WOMAN PERSON
being some thoughts on the current debates on violence against women
As I sit writing this piece, the latest proposal to tackle violence against women in the UK is an app which would track individuals between locations and report if they were taking longer than they ought. Straight away, I can see two immediate problems with this: firstly, it isn't going to save any woman who is the target of a rapist or murderer - it might aid apprehension of the perpetrator after the fact, but it isn't going to stop them from carrying out their intent; secondly, and more fundamentally, it's still shoving the initiative for women's safety back onto women themselves, when this is an issue that is entirely caused by men, and therefore it should be our responsibility to eradicate it from society.
The victim blaming that is all-too common reminds me of the feat of legerdemain whereby we have transformed slavery into a subject only for Black History Month, when slavery is actually an intrinsic part of white UK history. By casting aspersions upon the character, clothing, or company of women who are, let us remember, the victims, we move the ground of discussion away from where it rightly lies - with men, and their attitudes & behaviours towards women. That this is the case is not, I suppose, that suprising when the leader of the country refuses to take seriously the reality of sexual harrassment, (the fundamental unseriousness of the current PM is probably a post all to itself).
I think that the first problem that needs addressing is simply that too many men fail to see women as people in their own right. A lady of my aquaintance recently observed that she felt that I have good relationships with women because I "treat them as people, not women", and I think there's a lot of mileage in that idea - almost all abusive treatment is based on not seeing the victim as a person, worthy of rights & respect, but instead seeing them as somehow 'lesser' than you. By always trying to interact with people as individuals, each with their own unique set of experiences, fears, hopes & dreams, it becomes much more difficult to reduce them to the status of Other.
I don't say this is an easy thing to overturn, but it is a simple thing. In this, however, we're up against some old, old stories that humanity has told itself for millenia, of women not being properly people. In The Flood, David Maine's retelling of the story of Noah, Noe's wife is simply called "Wife" - she cannot even remember her own name. Throughout ancient history and into the present day - see the current struggles in the USA over a woman's right to control what happens to her own body - women are somehow percieved as "lesser". One of the most powerful actions of Jesus in the gospel stories is his repeated insistance on interacting with women as equals, as persons in their own right. It was revolutionary then, and sadly remains comment-worthy today. Unless and until men learn to truly appreciate women as equals, we cannot eradicate the scourge of violence against women. For women to, perfectly reasonably, have to look at me and ask themselves "Am I going to be safe with him?", lessens all our interactions as humans.
Second, we need to talk about communal space. A friend shared this cartoon (I think it's by Dave Walker, if I'm wrong, let me know & I'll credit it appropriately) on facebook the other day:
and I think it encapsulates the current problem. Here's a facebook post I made following attending a The The gig at the Troxy in 2018:
So. Men. I find myself having to have words with you. Let me be clear - when you are at a gig, it is a communal space, not your personal playpen. I shouldn't have to tell you that you're backing a lady into the wall, you should be aware of her & giving her space without my intervention. And you other men who think you would never do anything like that, but are completely oblivious when the lady you're out with has it happen to her - pay more attention to your companion.
Also, last weekend at Games Expo, I noticed a large number of men who seemed to think it was acceptable to shove in front of children in pursuit of their own satisfaction. Children are the future - you want a better future, treat them well.
I reiterate, these are *communal* spaces, not men's personal playgrounds - take more care to be aware of who you're sharing it with.
Now, I am acutely aware of the fact that, by intervening, I in some ways perpetuated the problem, as those men only listen to me because I look meaner than them. It's the whole alpha-male bullshit thing - I shouldn't have to bare my fangs in order for men to behave considerately towards others. One of the many (many, many, many....) problems with patriarchy is that, as alluded to in the cartoon above, 'shared spaces' are actually 'male spaces', and we come back to the problem of it falling to women to modify their behaviour in order to access the space safely, instead of men giving up some of their priviledge to ensure the space can be accessed by all without fear.
It seems to me that a lot of 'men' aren't really men at all, but overgrown children, still primarily concerned with the pursuit of their personal gratification without any concern for others who might get hurt in the process. It would certainly help explain the growth of the abhorrent Incel ideology. That people who have so much priviledge by virtue of their gender & ethnic origin should see themselves as somehow 'victims' is to see entitlement at it's very worst.
Peace
